If there is one purpose I had for this life, it is to bond with the divine. Be one with that which is my very own nature, my Dharm, an innate nature of all things in creation. A mysterious self-guided force towards the Source is inborn in every soul. If at any time my life was not in alignment with the flowing from the soul, I was not at ease. It meant I had lost that connection with my inner Self, and the Self was blocked from expressing itself through me. Therefore there was an inner impetus to re-establish that pipeline between the Self and my personality. As anything that is dedicated to the Divine becomes pure, so I felt a deep conviction to dedicate my life to the Supreme. It was not to prove anything to anyone else, but it was my own inner journey. Though Abhi denigrated and mocked me as a weirdo, somehow it didn't affect me at all. I was happy in my own world. While in contrast, he strived to maintain a self-image of being smart and successful. His general knowledge was impeccable, and I knew more about spirituality than many my age. We were mysterious twins, living in opposites. Complementary some might say.
I had several attractive job offers after completing my undergraduate in Computer Science. I chose one that was in Delhi, so that I could go back to living with my parents. Some of my friends went to Bangalore or Mumbai, and others abroad for their Masters. Mina also decided to take a job in Delhi where she could live with her aunt. Her family didn't allow her to go abroad unless she married someone there. In fact, they already had marriage proposals for her which she escaped for now. I was happy anyway, I had a college friend to hang out with in Delhi. So was she. We could disappear at night to have fun having Chaat at South Ex, or watch the latest Bollywood movie at Lajpat Nagar, or spend an enjoyable day at Connaught Place and Janpat.
I had a break of several months before I joined work, and my friends invited me to join them for a trip to Europe. But I wasn't interested. There was a two months Vedanta course at Sivananda Ashram, Divine Life Society, in Rishikesh which excited me. I begged my parents to allow me to go. After much persuasion, I as elated when they said I could go, but was to be accompanied by a distant cousin, Gaurav, who would also attend with me. Gaurav was a staunch adherent to our family's spiritual tradition of Kashmiri Shaivism. He was more technique oriented as well as more disciplined than me. I was the opposite of traditional. I was so excited and counting days till I left for Rishikesh. A pull so strong. My parents were afraid I might find a Guru at an ashram and never come back! Well, I was definitely interested in checking myself into a Himalayan cave, but perhaps I wouldn't quite fit the bill of an ascetic Sadhu.
*****
As we crossed Lakshman Jhula, I looked around and reminisced the plethora of saints and sages that had attained enlightenment here and guided so many to attain Moksh. Even the air was filled with divine vibrations. I could not have had this opportunity by chance, things are definitely destined and planned.
The Ganga Aarti was held on the banks of the Ganga at Parmarth Niketan Ashram which was right across the river. Only a fifteen minute walk over the Ram Jhula (bridge).
The row of priests, the Pujaris, climbed onto their individual daisies facing the Ganga and everyone fell silent. The ceremony proceeded with chants and chimes of various instruments, and culminating in the priests circulating a giant lamp lit with many wicks, followed by another huge lamp burning camphor. This along with the ringing of bells and blowing of conches really lifted everyone's spirits.
"Today we will start our journey into 'Kashmir Shaivism in the light of Vedanta'. Which is not a common topic. We will explore the similarities and differences between these two ancient schools of thought"
Gaurav turned to me smiling in glee, and shifted in his seat with eagerness. He was keen on the theoretical aspects of Kashmiri Shaivism. I was here to learn, but as a realization, to become a part of me, not just to put it into my memory banks. Any adventures to mystical places while I was here would be a bonus.
"Our contemporary, Swami Lakshman Joo, a master of Kashmiri Shaivism, has also spoken on a comparison of Vedanta and Kashmir Shaivism, and so has Swami Sivananda," said Swamiji. He gave a summary to start,
"The foundation of both schools of thought are based on the principle of Advaita, which is the ultimate Oneness within which all realities exist. The descent of that One Cosmic Consciousness, is also explained in similar ways. Creation being a reflection of that one consciousness, like a dream, is also explained in a similar way in both traditions. This is a summary of what we will explore in more depth in the sessions that follow. If we can look past the labels and terms used by these two traditions, and focus on the essence being conveyed, we will find more similarities than differences".
"If Truth is one, why, you may ask, should there be differences between those who have attained the Truth? Their definitions of Truth, that is Sat, and of Moksh or enlightenment may not be the same, and even the terms used by various masters can vary. This can be very confusing to truth seekers. So which explanation of Truth is correct? And which school of thought, path and practice should one choose?
Though Truth is one, It's expressions and experiences are infinite.
In our inclusive Vedic tradition, all paths to Truth are honored, and they add to the wealth of wisdom available to truth seekers. As is in a university, with many schools, subjects and professors. A student can choose a path they feel the most affinity with, the one which resonates with their nature, and most importantly is the path that is most appropriate for their stage of soul evolution". 
*****
We spent the night in Rudraprayag, and next day on our way back to Rishikesh, we stopped at Devprayag, the meeting of Alaknanda and Bhagirathi, and both rivers thereafter flow on as the river Ganga. Therefore it is the birthplace of the Ganges. Devprayag was a slightly bigger town with several buildings and temple complexes. We were sitting on the steps outside the temple which led down to the river. The morning Puja had ended and people were walking out of the temple. There was a Swamiji dressed in orange with a small group of people bowing to him, and asking him some questions. We got up and did Pranams to be respectful. He turned and looked at us and asked us where we had come from. Some of us responded to him, and I said I came to Rishikesh for a summer course. Suddenly, he started talking to me as though he knows me, "Don't worry no matter what you do for a living, you will always stay connected to the Supreme. You rather follow a spiritual life than work or get married, am I right?" I was quite stunned, my jaw dropping, so I stumbled some words out of my mouth nodding, "Umm...yah...yes". He continued with a smile, "You are a devotee of Sri Krishn born in a Kashmiri Shaivite family. Do not feel that a worldly family life is opposed to a spiritual life. In this life you will integrate both". Still quite shocked at his words, I just folded my hands and touched his feet, he blessed me and moved on. I was still absorbing his words, standing still, when Gaurav and my friends huddled around me whispering in exhilaration, "What was he saying!" and "How did he know?" etc. One friend asked someone nearby who he was. We were told his name is Swami Siddhananda who had an ashram in the holy city of Haridwar.
Well, that was an experience to remember and a story to share. At least we got to meet one of the many evolved souls present in these areas. Bharat has and had innumerable Gurus and Siddhis are common place, not that spiritual abilities are necessary or a sign of evolution, they are a natural outcome as the soul ascends.
*****
x
When we reached the beautiful foothills of the Himalayas, I felt I had come home. These mountains were full of the mystical experiences of so many over the ages.
When I saw the "Sivananda Ashram" painted above the entrance, I flew up the stairs in glee. My feet barely touching the ground. Like magnet pulls steel, I felt drawn to this place. Gaurav was far behind climbing up slowly. The ashram seemed so familiar, and I felt comfortable here immediately. I asked around for where we need to register, got checked in and went to our rooms. I was assigned a double room with another female participant, and Gaurav likewise. After washing up, we went down to the hall where everyone had assembled. A young Sadhu was talking to the participants saying that we will first go to attend the Ganga Aarti at sunset, followed by dinner, after which we will have a short orientation.
When I first reached the banks of the Ganga, it seemed so vibrant, flowing with such energy. I felt so thrilled, a shiver went up my spine. The Ganga definitely felt sacred, a sentient Being. In fact everything here did, nothing was inert, the whole place was alive, reverberating with a presence one could sense. Through the use of my breath, I attuned my vibrations to the higher vibrations present here, like one tunes an instrument to a musical scale.
There were many Sadhus and Swamis, Gurus and Pandits assembled for the Ganga Aarti, all draped in shades of orange.
After dinner and orientation, we went to our rooms. I was exhausted after a long day. I met my roommate, Uma Shankaran, who introduced herself. She was wearing a white sari with a deep red border, draped very neatly. She was holding her night clothes on her way to the washroom. I however; was dressed casually in my kurti and pants, probably looked like a rookie. "Is this your first time here?" she asked me in a serious voice. "Yah...how about you?" I replied coolly. She seemed confident and comfortable here. "Oh...I come here every year," she said, pushing up her eye glasses. "I'm associated with Chinmaya Mission Kerala. Our Guru, Swami Chinmayananda, began his spiritual journey here at this ashram with Swami Sivananda ", she explained. "Oh yes! I've got a copy of Swami Chinmayananda's commentary on the Bhagavad Gita," I responded happily. She nodded and smiled and proceeded to the washroom. Lights out and I crashed exhausted.
5am sharp we were to be present for yoga. After a quick bucket bath, I ran down the stairs to the platform deck next to the Ganges where we did yoga & meditation. When I opened my eyes slightly, there was the sun, it's gentle hues rising above the horizon. I chanted the Gayatri mantra in my mind. The teacher started chanting some morning mantras and we followed along. Many adherents were on the banks of the Ganga, chanting, offering water to the sun, taking a dip in the Ganga, and doing the Sandhya Vandanam (the ancient morning/evening prayer to purify oneself through mantras). What a beautiful sight. If only the rest of the world was so peaceful.
Food at ashrams is generally simple and Sattvic (pure). We had breakfast and a break before we went to the main hall where our first knowledge session would begin. Gaurav and I sat next to each other in great anticipation. The senior most Swamiji, Swami Chidananda, entered the hall dressed in an orange robe, and we all got up to offer our Pranams (a reverential salutation). Swamiji was boney, slim, and simple. He had a glow on his face and an energetic presence. After he sat on stage cross legged, we all got seated. I could sense the reverence everyone had for Swamiji, as is the tradition in this ancient culture of knowledge. Swamiji closed his eyes, folded his hands in prayer, and started chanting the Shanti mantras. This is to prepare and purify the space to receive knowledge.
Everyone's mind seemed silent and peaceful as Swamiji started.
Swamiji first covered the etymology and meaning of Vedanta and Kashmiri Shaivism. Of course he mentioned the works of Abhinavagupta, after whom my twin brother was named.
After a short pause and some reflection Swamiji continued,
With these enlightening and soul searching words, Swamiji concluded the morning session.
There were about two hundred odd participants in the course. We started mingling with each other over lunch and hearing each others' stories. The table on which Gaurav and I were sitting had a couple of other young aspirants who were talking about going to Mouni Baba's cave. This cave had so many mystical tales associated with it. We were excited to join them. We were like a bunch of high school students on a camping trip.
Mouni Baba's cave was about an hour's walk, and we had to rush to be back for the 3 o'clock session. We crossed over the Ganges and passed many temples big and small, ashrams, centers, and people were busy in many spiritual activities. Then we left the small shops and road side eateries behind, and went into a wooded area in a hilly terrain. The path we took was the Nilkanth mountain trek, and we stopped briefly at the beautiful Nilkanth falls where people were bathing. We proceeded quickly to the spot where there was a sign on the road which pointed towards a narrow pathway to Mouni Baba's cave. The rugged path led down along the hillside to a cemented platform which had a Shiv ling, and a stand above it holding a pot dripping water on the Shivling. No one else was here except us. As we walked around the platform, we saw an opening on the side of the hill, which seemed to be an entrance into the cave, so we walked in. It was a reasonably small cave that could fit a few people, the ceiling was low so we crouched as we went further in. Over the years some people had put some tiles and cement in places to hold the structure perhaps. There were paintings on the walls of Shiva, Gurus and Swamis we didn't recognize. At the end of the cave, in a small niche there was a statue of a Yogi sitting cross legged and under that on a plaque was written, "Shri Guru Babaji - also known as Maha Avatar Babaji". There was a tiny altar under the statue with Puja offerings, a Shiva's trident, a Kalash (tumbler) with water, and other articles. It seemed as though this cave was being maintained and visited often by people. As I turned around, I saw Gaurav had already sat down, cross legged, and started meditating. The three of us got the cue from him and sat down to meditate as well. That is when we truly felt the cave, in that stillness there was so much life. As though the cave was talking to us, transmitting the vibrations of eons of holy sages that had meditated here. The top of my head was tingling, and I either feel asleep or went into a void. The next thing I heard was Gaurav saying, "Let's go..it's time to go, we must not be late". I opened my eyes, still in stillness, and brought myself back into the present moment quickly. Apparently twenty minutes had passed, and I didn't realize it. I felt fresh and recharged. I got up without feeling tired anymore. I folded my hands, bowed down to Babaji, touching my forehead to floor. Then we left the cave, and quickened our pace down the path back to our ashram to join our next knowledge session.
After dinner we sat for a bit with a group of our newly acquired friends on the platform deck overlooking the Ganga. The river looked so serene, with the moonlight reflecting sparkles on it's waves. The crickets were chirping, and a cool moist breeze made the atmosphere very pleasant. One person in the group, Aditya, was telling us a story about how an astral form of Shivananda appears often in the meditation room in the wee hours of the morning. Some Swamis and disciples who have meditated in the meditation hall between 3 and 4am have seen his form that appears in a light form . Some folks got spooked and left for their rooms. Rest of us were hooked on hearing more mystical stories, especially first hand experiences, but soon we retired for the night for an early start the next morning.
We absorbed ourselves in the knowledge sessions, and often discussed the topics afterwards. It was also a lot of fun interacting with participants, pulling each other's leg, and enjoying our small excursions to ancient spiritual spots that we had only read about in books.
One weekend some of us decided to hire a taxi and go up to Rudraprayag, a few hours drive from Rishikesh. Located at the confluence (Prayag) of the roaring Alaknanda and Mandakini rivers, it is an amazing site to see, with immense mountains in the backdrop, white water gushing through their lap, a V shaped crag between the two rivers as they meet and a temple perched there at the tip. Several other buildings of ashrams and resting places are dotted here and there. There were many pilgrims visiting this holy site, as well as several ascetics, the Sadhus and Aghori Babas - they are well known in these regions. Aghoris generally reside in remote places away from people, like caves or temples where they do long periods of intense spiritual practices, and are distinctly recognized by their ash smeared bodies, matted hair, holding tridents or a long walking stick. Who knows how many ascetic Yogis were in deep long meditative states somewhere up in the Himalayan caves, we have only heard stories that they exist. Even in the freezing cold winters in the snow, these yogis can be scantily clad and barely eat, as they are able to generate internal heat and energy from their Sadhana (spiritual practices including Pranayama, Yoga postures and Dhyan).
We rested here at Rudraprayag for lunch, and walked down the steps from the temple to the rocky river bed. The roar of the rivers and mist filled the air, with temple bells ringing faintly in the background. It is an unimaginable feeling, not just for the natural beauty, but the divinity of it. From ancient times, great Rishis, enlightened beings, have walked this sacred land, to absorb in the vibrations of their investment, is truly a blessing.
At each critical juncture in my life some divine guidance always came through someone, like this Swamiji who reassured me about integrating the inner and outer worlds. Towards the end of our two month sojourn in Rishikesh, I hoped we had done justice to this sacred land. Though I felt something was missing, perhaps I had a deep desire to have spent my time here with a true Guru, who would have guided me in the way of the ancient Guru-disciple tradition. Similar to the way Balakrishna Menon had found Tapovan Maharaj, who later became Swami Chinmayananda, and many other such stories. Was this tradition becoming extinct? Or would I ever find my Guru?
It was hard leaving Rishikesh and all the friends we had made. We promised to stay in touch and have a reunion the following year. As we tore ourselves away from the near perfect environment of Rishikesh, and descended down the hills towards Delhi, it seemed as though we exited a bubble of higher vibrations and were back to the land of Maya. Still charged with the pure energies of the holy Himalayas, our faces glowed, we were told, when we returned back home.
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